


When nothing else in the world works get advice from David Rose

by scoob2222



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 00:02:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19239763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scoob2222/pseuds/scoob2222
Summary: Stevie has a last minute party to plan and a secret to keep.  What are the chances she accomplishes either of those things?  In Schitt's Creek....probably not high.





	When nothing else in the world works get advice from David Rose

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yerbamansa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yerbamansa/gifts).



When David had first gotten to Schitt’s Creek, all he could think of was the thrilling life he had left behind. Most days it seemed like waking up was the nightmare. All he could do was try and get through the day until he could go to sleep again.

However, as time passes, he learns that the first thirty-something-he would never tell how many-years of his life weren’t as wonderful as he thought.

He learns about how much his parents had interfered in his success, and that many of his friends were just illusions.

It’s not that he grows to love Schitt’s Creek overnight, because he still only mildly enjoys it, but things began to change.

The first change is Stevie. 

Once their brief sexual relationship ends, they begin a relationship that was a first in his life. They become friends…best  
friends…besties and all that other stuff.

Not that he would ever admit that to anyone but her.

He won’t he even admit it to Patrick, and Patrick got him to admit all sorts of things.

The truth of his love and affection for Stevie Budd only escapes his lips at drunken spa weekends. 

It was simply the way that they relate to each other. They don’t need to say their feelings. They show them in  
monogrammed towels and free wine. It is a very specific love language that they share. 

This leads to an awkward conversation with Patrick one morning over coffee.

“What do you mean you haven’t asked her? David the wedding is in one month.”

“I’m aware of that Patrick. We have a countdown calendar at the store.”

“That was your idea.”

“It was a great idea. Random people bought us presents twice this week. We are going to be able to decorate our new  
apartment with just the gifts from the tourists.”

“I still think you shouldn’t have taken money from those customers, David. I’m not sure it’s ethical.”

“Patrick, I love you more than anything, but I’m not saying no to gifts. Accept this about me. Love it even.”

“I love everything about you,” Patrick says, leaning over to kiss his cheek, “but you still need to ask Stevie to be your best woman.”

“I don’t. She just is going to be. She already picked out a dress from my pre-approved selection. It’s going to go perfect.”

“But does she actually know she’s going to stand up for you?” Patrick asks, “I think you are overestimating her ability to read your mind.”

“I think you are underestimating it.”

David stands and comes over to put a hand on Patrick’s shoulder, “Relax, button, the wedding is going to be perfect, and Stevie will be standing right next to me. She’s probably planning my bachelor party right now.”

&&&&&&&&

Stevie Budd learns early that life was often very disappointing. It’s possible her last breakup hurt so bad because she let herself get excited. She didn’t look for disappointment and was completely unprepared for it when it came.

If she is being completely honest the only people who never disappoint her are the Roses. At every turn one of them is there for her. Mr. Rose offering her support when that asshole dumps her, Mrs. Rose offering her Cabaret when she needs something new in her life, Alexis telling her she could do it when she wants to quit, and David offering her support at every turn even while pretending he didn’t care less.

She isn’t sure what she would do without them at this point, and she knows she would never, ever admit that to anyone.

She is also sure that she wants David and Patrick to have the greatest wedding of all time. There have never been two people Stevie Budd roots for more than these two. From the moment she accidentally third wheeled on their first date, she just knows.

For that reason, and the fact that she genuinely loves both of them, she is willing to help in any way she can. She cannot even remember how many cakes she had tried, or slightly different beige napkins she has looked at with David. She even allows David to pre-choose appropriate dresses for her to wear to the ceremony.

She is happy to help, especially because she knows that Alexis is away for most of the planning. She will be back in a few weeks, and Ted not long after that. He is only making it home two weeks before the actual wedding, and David is contacting people in the Galapagos to fit him for a suit, because no one can wear ill-fitted clothes at his wedding.

In the interest of helping, Stevie texts Alexis about two weeks before her return.

Stevie: How’s everything going? Have you met Darwin yet?

Alexis: How many times do I have to tell you I have no idea what that means? Everything is great. How are things there? Any new men on the horizon?

Stevie: Not even on the continent. 

Alexis: We are going out as soon as I get back. I will wing-woman you a one-night stand.

Stevie shrugged in real life and send the appropriate emoji.

Stevie: Anyway, not writing about my love life. I just wanted to know about David’s bachelor party. Did you need me to do anything? Plan anything before you get back.

Alexis sent a variety and gifs that showed deep confusion.

Stevie: I’m not sure what those mean. Do rich people not do bachelor parties? I would have thought David would love any party dedicated to him.

Alexis: He loves everything about him, always, but that’s not why I’m confused. I mean, I can plan it if you want, but I thought that would be your job. You are the best woman.  
Stevie: I AM NOT! You are!

Alexis: I’m totally not. You’re the best friend. Best Woman is totally your job. David told me before I even left town. Wait…. did he not tell you?

Stevie sighed.

Stevie: Your brother is something else.

Alexis: That’s the nicest way to say it.

&&&&&&

Patrick can’t help but say it, “I told you so.”

David glares at him, “That’s not helpful, button, not at all helpful.”

“But it is true,” he says, and looks at Stevie, “I told him he had to tell you.”

“He was supposed to ask me,” Stevie says, “that’s how these things work. How do you not know that?”

“Well I’ve never gotten married before,” David says, “and it’s not like I’ve been in a lot of them. I’m usually only there because someone wants me to bring alcohol or pay for the entertainment. One couple asked me to be a groomsman so that I would get Maroon 5 to play at their reception.”

Patrick made a face, “Please tell me you didn’t have sex with Adam Levine.”

“He’s straight,” David said and then made his don’t ask for more details face.

It is hard for Stevie to be too mad. She knew David is bad at normal stuff. Also, she is kind of excited about being Best Woman.

She is less excited about pulling a party together this fast.

“It’s not a big deal,” David said, “I want you to be my witness when I marry Patrick. I wouldn’t even know he liked me if it wasn’t for you.”

“I still can’t believe I had to tell you. He was so obvious about it.”

“Hey,” Patrick says, “I wasn’t that obvious.”

“You framed the stores first receipt in a David-approved frame. You were totally obvious.”

“Not to me,” David says, “I was so busy thinking no one would even look at me that I almost completely missed the first person who ever had.”

“I wouldn’t have let you miss it,” Patrick promises.

David and Patrick grin at each other and Stevie’s traitorous heart beat a little faster. They are infecting her with belief in 

love. It is bad for her attitude.

“I don’t need a party,” David says, “it’s not a big deal. You just need to be there at the wedding.”

“I’ll be there,” Stevie swears, “and you’ll have that party. You’ll have a great fucking party.”

David grins, “Oh good because I really want a whole party about me. Besides the wedding, of course.”

“The wedding is about us,” Patrick reminds him.

“Of course, it is,” David promises, winking at Stevie.

&&&&&&

Stevie has just a few weeks to plan this epic party. David and Patrick are having their parties on the same night. Since Patrick is going home so his brother and friends could throw him a party, they decided to do it weeks before their actual wedding. 

She knew he is secretly worried last-minute details will send David over the edge. Patrick doesn’t want his fiancée stressed by their wedding any more than was necessary. 

Even with the short notice, she is sure that she could get it done. She can give David a night he will never forget.

Unfortunately, somehow everything seems to go wrong. First, the location she wants falls through the week before, and then her back up option. She finally finds a new place with a VIP lounge a few days before and thinks she can still make this all work.

Then Roland cancels because the baby is sick, and the other waitress gets sick, so Twyla must go to work, and Alexis won’t let Ted come because last time he got drunk with David they made out.

“We didn’t make out,” David argues, “we kissed during a game and he doesn’t even remember it.”

“Whatever, David, you are not ruining my relationship or your soon to be marriage by accidentally seducing my boyfriend.”

“Oh my god.”

It only got worse from there because the location she ends up stuck with is a truly horrible co-ed strip club. The only person that has any actual fun seems to be Ronnie, who gets three lap dances and goes home with four phone numbers.

After a few hours, she, David and Alexis end up back at the motel. Alexis passes out on one bed and she and David are sharing wine on the other.

“That was a horrible party,” he tells her, “truly awful.”

“Ronnie had fun,” Stevie argues, “and possibly a new girlfriend.”

“That blonde did seem really into her,” he laughs.

Stevie shakes her head, “I’m sorry it sucked.”

David shrugs, “Better than Patrick’s is. He has been texting me all night. His brother and friends brought him to the straightest strip club they could find. He’s been face first in breasts all night. Before that they brought him to a baseball game. How horrible.”

“Patrick loves baseball,” Stevie points out, “that was probably his favorite part.”

“And still I love him,” David points out. 

“Still…. not the night I hoped to give you.”

“It really isn’t a big deal. I’ve gone to lots of crazy parties. I’ve gone to an invisible safari party. I’m all good. Besides, I know the real reason that you didn’t get this party done.”

“Because we are located in Schitt’s Creek.”

“No,” David gives her a very specific look. It’s a look that says he knows something, “It’s because you have a new boyfriend.”

Shit.

Shit.

“I…do not,” Stevie says, “that’s ridiculous. Who would I even be dating? There isn’t any available man for miles.”

“There wasn’t,” he says, “and then Mutt came home.”

Fuck.

“You know it is quite amazing that you managed to sleep with me, and with a guy I slept with and now with a guy that my sister slept with. Please don’t sleep with Alexis next…. or Ted…. or Patrick.”

Stevie glares, “I’m not sleeping with Alexis, or Ted, or Patrick, who doesn’t even like women. Neither does Alexis, does  
she? Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”

“You’re both Eskimo sisters now.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“You are dating Mutt,” David argues, “and you are totally happy about it.”

Stevie sighs, “While I don’t admit that we are dating…”  
“You are dating.”

“I will say that I am not unhappy about whatever we are doing.”

“Dating.”

“What does it matter?” she asks.

“Because you’re happy,” he says, “I can tell. It’s the reason I didn’t call you out on how horrible I knew this party was going to be for weeks.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“Stevie, you invited my mother.”

“I was running out of guests. It’s not my fault you have no friends.”

“She got on the stage and sang with the strippers.”

“They all seemed to like it.”

“And I said nothing because you are happy because you are dating Mutt,” he says again, “and you like him.”

“Fine. I like him,” she finally agrees, “but that doesn’t mean anything. I have liked a lot of people and it has never worked out. I’m beyond thinking that being happy for a few weeks can go anywhere. More likely a week or a month or three months from now I’ll be miserable again.”

David frowns, “You don’t know that.”

She sighs again, “David, I know that you are so happy with Patrick, and when people are in happy relationships, they want everyone to be happy.”

“Oh please,” he says, “since when am I everyone. I’m not a fairy godmother, Stevie. I have no idea if thinks will work out with Mutt. I just know you’ve looked happy these last few weeks. It has been a big nauseating.”

“Sometimes I wonder why I even talk to you.”

“I’m your best friend,” he reminds her, “and based on the attendance to my party, it’s just you and me.”

“That is the nauseating bit.”

He ignores her, “As your best friend, I want to say I’m glad you’re happy.”

She nods, “I appreciate that, but it’s really not a big deal.”

“Also, as your best friend, I want you to let it be a big deal.”

“David.”

“Stevie, I know I’m with Patrick now, and I’m happy. You remember before Patrick, right? You remember the last guy I had sex with before him?”

Stevie makes a face, “Sebastian?”

“Yeah, I had sex with him for my mother. It was a low point. Not long after that I opened the store, and that was going to be my whole focus. I’d decided to forget about love and just focus on achieving something. I had been burned 1000 times in my life…maybe more. I had enough. Then there was Patrick.”

“And that was wonderful for you.”

“And it could be wonderful for you. Stevie, you don’t need a man. You never have and you never will. You’re enough all on your own. If Mutt turns out to be an asshole, kick him to the curb. I’m just saying to try. One morning I was planning to spend my night crying into a birthday cake, and that night I kissed my soon to be husband for the first time.”

“I’m not sure I love this new positive David. Is he going to stay forever?” she asks, “Is this how married David will always be.”

“Not a chance,” he says, “I am currently very drunk and probably a little high. Tomorrow I am going to make fun of you for sleeping with Mutt. I’m going to tell Patrick and we are going to tease you about it so hard.”

“Then Patrick and I will turn it around on you.”

He shrugs, “Probably, you are both obsessed with me.”

“I’m going to sleep now, David, shove over.”

“We can’t sleep. I’m hungry.”

“You are always hungry. You can wait until breakfast.”

“You are buying. You owe me for the terrible party, and for all the great advice I just gave you.”

“You just advised me to keep sleeping with Mutt. I was going to do that anyway.”

“That is not all I said,” David shrieks, “you are ignoring all my great advice.”

“Goodnight, David.”

David continues to complain as Stevie drifts off to sleep. She thinks tomorrow she will ask Mutt to come to the wedding with her. 

Maybe David had a point. Maybe she should just try.

Although she had to make sure David never, ever knew that.

**Author's Note:**

> So yerbamansa asked for a focus on their Stevie and David's friendship. This was all new to me so I tried to incorporate as many suggestions as I could. There are drunken confessions, a bachelor party, and somehow matchmaker David. It was actually really fun to write them and I had a great time. Hope you enjoy it!


End file.
